So this is my first attempt at writing my first blog entry. Kind of nervous… I had thought about doing a vlog or Video Log (apparently blog comes from Web Log) but even worse than my mind going blank for few seconds while trying to fill up this white, electronic sheet is making a video and stuttering or forgetting what you were going to say or blushing and then having to spend more time editing the video than making the video in the first place. Plus, my laptop is a slow glitchy, Windows one versus a Mac and I’m not a wiz at video editing. I’m so worried about creating clever sentences and writing to “captivate and keep” the reader to impress others but hey, I’m really doing this for me and this is not a popularity contest. I’ve always hated those, with a strong passion. I’ve always hated pride, bragging and conceitedness. You want me to not like you? Be the most prideful, conceited, gas headed person you can be. Speaking about not liking someone, let’s talk about bullying today.
It’s been on my mind a lot. I’ve been going thru snippets of memories in my head of all the times I’ve been bullied as a young girl, and sadly, even as an adult. You think bullying leaves when you turn eighteen? Nope. It never does. It stays. Why? Because we’re humans. Because as long as there is all the sin that is so abundant on poor mother earth, there will always be bullies. I remember feeling puzzled when I was in second grade as my teacher let us know that gossiping continues even into adult lives, even in the workplace. Perhaps she was going through that at the moment and it’s what led her to say it. But I always associated bullying with something that happened in schools or buses and with children only. I almost didn’t believe her.
But now I do. As a matter of a fact <<<doesn’t sound right when you write in properly so >>> As a matta’ fact, the clues have always been there. When you watch movies or tv shows with adults, there’s always at least one character that doesn’t like the other and they both give each other a hard time. Had they been children, you would consider it bullying but as an adult, oh no it’s ridiculous to call it that. You seem childish and petty for doing so. But the truth is, that’s exactly what it is!! We just don’t want to call it that because it makes us feel ashamed! We adults talk about bullying amongst children and watch documentaries of kids committing suicide and point a finger at it and say how bad it is, not realizing WE do it too. To call a child a bully makes them appear so bad they are worthy of being left in jail to rot for all eternity but we won’t call an adult a bully. We see just how bad it is when children get bullied that we don’t want to be titled that ourselves. Well newsflash, adults can be bullies too.
You think a girl who has been a bully all her life—-gossiping about the geeky girl, sneering at her, snickering when she walks by, pointing fingers, whispering and then looking towards her way, I can go on and on—-is going to change all of a sudden when she turns 18? No, unless they got the rude awakening they so deserve and need, they are going to continue being who they’ve been all along. A bully.
I really want to know what goes through their hearts and minds that lead them to treat others so poorly. I’ve known a few that are not bullies towards me but if I were to ask them that they would say, “I AM NOT A BULLY!!!!!” Because, like I said, no one wants to be called a bully. I give sympathy towards some I know because I know their past and what they’ve gone through. You might say, they have a reason for being so bitter and angry and mean towards others. But there is no excusing to treating others like trash just because you feel like trash. If you give yourself the opportunity to treat someone kindly, you might just see that you feel good too. Some tips I wish everyone knew and would follow:
- If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself.
- Treat em’ how they want to be treated.
- Just because you don’t like someone, doesn’t mean you have to disrespect them.
If you’re an adult, oh wait let me change that > If you’re wise and mature, you can separate the fact that you don’t like someone with the way you treat them. If you don’t like that person, do you need to let them know every second or every opportunity you get? No, just ignore them. Go about you way. Do your business. You don’t need all that extra drama added to it like “Hey! I don’t like you! I know I’ve let you know that a thousand times today but I’m gonna let you know one more time, k’?!”
If you’re at school and you know you are all there to get an education (despite what some teenagers insist), than get your education and don’t be worrying about what the next person is doing like “oh ew, look what she came wearing today”. No, worry about what you are wearing! I wonder what treating others badly gets you? Do you sleep better at night? Does it make you feel good after you do it? I mean, it looks like hard work being so mean to people. But nah, it’s not hard for bullies. It’s actually hard for them to tame themselves because their number one impulse is to open their mouths and say/do something stupid. I pity you. Because maybe you want to stop, but you can’t. Maybe you need to stop at certain times like when you’re standing in front of someone you know you can’t do that around and your insides are bubbling up because you want to do something so bad. Hhmm… maybe it’s an addiction. No, it’s not. People can change. We are malleable. There is no excuse.
You might have cocked your head when I said “treat em how they want to be treated”. That might strike you as strange. All our lives we’ve heard the golden rule:
This doesn’t mean you’re gonna go bonking people on the head because you like getting bonked on the head but basically, if you don’t like people telling you to shut up, don’t tell others to shut up. If you don’t like people canceling on you at the last minute, don’t cancel on others at the last minute. If you don’t like people calling you at 4am, don’t call others at 4am. Get it? Now, these examples don’t all have to do with bullying but I think you get the point.
There’s a flaw with the golden rule. If you like certain things but the other person does not like certain things, you can’t expect to treat them the way you would like yourself be treated and them be ok with it. Because maybe you don’t know that your friend doesn’t like jokes aimed at them, but you find it funny when people do it with you. They tell you,
- hey, I don’t like that
- why not? It’s funny J
- no it’s not, I don’t like it.
DON’T say:
- whatever, I don’t care. HAHAHA your mom’s a stripper *everyone laughs
DO say:
- my bad
And then don’t do it again! Ta daaaa.
That’s why we have the Silver or Platinum rule.
You may be ok with playing rough and having people poke you excessively with pencils, but they are not. So respect them. Don’t poke other people just because you like getting poked. Poke yourself.
Last but not least, words are hurtful. And their scars take years and are harder to heal because you can’t see them with your physical eye. Sometimes you can’t know a persona has emotional damage until something extreme causes it to come up to the surface. You have to be very observant to notice it. Once you let a wound go untreated, it can fester and grow pus and bleed and become so far gone it’s gonna take a whole lot of counseling to get past it. These invisible wounds are caused by verbal abuse or sometimes actions that require no words. Like when a dad promises his son he’s gonna pick him up on Sunday for ice cream and then doesn’t show. He doesn’t call before or after. Just leaves him feeling completely and hopelessly abandoned. If you’re having a hard time sympathizing, imagine if it was a guy or girl you liked and they said they would pick you up Friday for a movie, and you sit ready by the door waiting all night until finally its 1am and you say “they’re not coming…”. You’re going to feel like crap afterwards.
Has anyone ever insulted you or called you a name? It hurt didn’t it? And maybe you didn’t get over it right away. You kept thinking about it for days. You couldn’t get it off your mind. Then eventually you forgot about it or decided you weren’t going to think about it anymore but the pain was tucked away deep into the back shelves of your heart. But later, it somehow surfaces at the wrong time or a stranger said something similar to you on the wrong day and you blow up on them as if releasing all the anger you’ve had toward that first offender onto this perfect stranger. Come on. Stop acting like words don’t hurt. I remember hurtful words spoken to me by my parents more than all the spankings they’ve given me. When I think about their spankings, I can’t feel the burn on my leg anymore but I can feel my heart sinking when I think of what they said to me. And then I feel sad on an otherwise perfectly happy day because of what was said to me years ago. Words can’t be erased such as on this word processor I’m using. They are forever etched into our brains. This is why we have to be careful with what we say. Choose your words carefully!
My point is, be respectful to others. Learn to separate not liking someone with the way you treat them. You don’t have to like your neighbor, but you do have to respect them. Your actions can have a great effect on people. Your words could be the last words someone hears before they decide to take their lives. Your actions could be the trigger that lead someone to finally have a nervous breakdown or a psychotic outbreak. Sometimes, a simple and genuinely kind “Hello!” can brighten someone’s day and even save their life.
I listened to a testimony by a woman I know where she felt like the Holy Spirit was telling her “Say hello to him”, towards a boy that no one liked in their high school. She really wanted to, but felt too shy to do so. Maybe she doubted whether God was really telling her to say something, anything kind, to that boy. That night he took his life and she lives in guilt even as an adult wondering if she could have saved him by simply saying “God bless you” or “Jesus loves you” or simply, “How’re you doing?” Contrary to our beliefs, we are actually important in this world. Our simple everyday actions have an impact on people’s lives even if you’re doing something as simple as checking out a customer at a register. We leave a stamp on each person we encounter, no matter how insignificant the interaction may have seemed. Have you ever wondered about a complete stranger you encountered after the day is over? “Man, that girl who checked me out at the supermarket was so grumpy today, I wonder what her problem was…” or “Gosh, that elderly woman was so inspiring just marching along that trail getting her fitness. Wish I could be like her…” We have no idea who these people are and we probably might never see them again but they left a stamp on us, an experience, a moment, something to think about. Strive to leave invisible smiley face stamps on people’s minds. They’re going to remember you that night when they lay to rest and rewind the entire day on their mental movie screen. Be the cause for someone’s joy, satisfaction, inspiration, or positive change!!
Rocío Jocelyn 