A lot of couples today forget to be polite. In our society, we believe politeness is just something you do while you’re dating. Because why would you go out with someone again if they were rude to you, right? I had someone compliment my husband & I once saying, “Wow, it’s like you guys never fight!” Of course, we do fight from time to time. But we do make it our goal to be as peaceful and civil as possible. It’s not about “avoiding” fights because sometimes there are serious matters to discuss. But it’s a matter of doing it in a way where you’re not yelling, cursing at each other, interrupting each other, insulting, or throwing things at each other. We are not perfect, for sure. But I grew up watching an example of what a marriage is NOT supposed to be. And so I made it my very goal to have the “perfect marriage”. That to me equals Peace. Without peace, you only have strife, dysfunction, tears, unhappiness, violence, altercations, anger, insults. To be honest, I’m sooo tired of all the fights and lack of peace I experienced growing up. I just want to have a happy home. I really don’t have the patience or the energy to tolerate that kind of negativity anymore. I don’t think it’s truly who I am to live in such a way. I think I was simply brought up in it but had it been a perfect world, I would have grown up in a family who loved and respected each other, and most of all were polite. They say we are a product of our environment. And yes I carry some things from the past with me. They’re imprinted in me now. But how I want to live and who I want to be are besides that. I’ve made the choice to be respectful and patient and live a marriage different from what I was taught. I guess it has to do with seeing everything it was not supposed to be and striving to do the exact opposite. What I’m trying to say is, be polite with your significant other. It might seem strange or weird at first because in your mind it’s something you leave for strangers or people you only just met. No, it’s for ALL THE TIME.
When you ask bae to hand you the towel for the child’s dirty nose, say thank you. Don’t think he was required to do it because he’s your husband and father of your child and therefore it’s his duty to do something like that anyways. Because in reality, he can do whatever he wants. Your spouse still has freewill! He can choose to not be a father or a husband and up & leave whenever. Don’t think he had to do it simply because you “told him to”. A lot of partners have this ignorant mindset—he’s supposed to. So what? Be thankful. Be polite. Ask nicely and when he gives it to you say thank you. Don’t just sit there with a bland attitude & take for granted the small things.
Once in a while, tell your partner how much you appreciate them. You might not think it but it is one of the most important things to do in a relationship. When you’re both on that daily grind and you feel like you’re trekking up the mountain, you start to feel a little worn out. You wouldn’t believe how refreshing it is when your spouse looks at you in the eye and honestly tells you that he’s been watching how hard you work & that he really appreciates all that you do. And as the receiver of those words, don’t expect anything else! Don’t sit there and be like, “OK, aaannd… you’re gonna treat me to a spa day then, right? :D” That would only spoil it. Because the price of those words when said from the heart could never amount to any dollar he could spend on you. Besides, when you expect more in a moment like that, you would only be letting yourself down. Think of it in the supernatural realm: when he said those words to you, he deposited a whole chunk of points into your love bank. You can’t get those points anywhere else! These are the love points that will carry on your relationship and make you guys stronger, later.
Sometimes, when I’m talking to my husband I almost feel like I’m treating him as if I met him still for the first time. I catch myself and think, “Why am I being so damn nice?” But that’s my old self speaking. Yeah, I do need to be “unnecessarily” nice with my husband. This is how we will keep the peace and spread the love. You don’t think my husband likes feeling respected by me? I have seen too many women emasculate their guys. They will disrespect them in private and in public. But like my mom always told me, any man will choose to be respected before he is loved. And without respect there is no love right?
With being polite there’s being sweet too. I remember one time we were at dinner with a bunch of other couples. I forget what we were talking about but I know at one point I asked him a question in reference to the topic and I ended it with “my love?” So if we were talking about traveling I would have said, “Do you know if we ever passed through Indiana, my love?” And everyone laughed because I put my hand on his and said “my love”. But I call him my love or mi amor all the time. They thought I was being so sweet and thought it was cute. But the fact is that’s how we are all the time and that’s how it should be. And that’s how they should always strive to be with their spouses all the time, whether in private or in public. Why not be like this instead of emasculate or embarrass your loved one in front of others? All because we don’t want to seem weak and we want to seem like we are the strong one in the relationship. Forget that. You’ll never be stronger than when you are in it together.
So be polite with your loved one. Be sweet! Strive to keep the peace and the love alive. Do things for them they wouldn’t expect you to do. And not just the romantic things, like surprising them with their favorite game or food. Think ahead of them and take care of things for them that they hadn’t thought of yet. Every relationship and every person is unique. Only YOU know what would really touch their hearts. So let’s be different from all the unhappy, sour couples out there. Set the standard! Be the example we all wish we could be. Besides, if politeness is so rare today that it’s confused with flirting, why not do it with your spouse and see where things go?!